Divorce is more like a game show than death, according to a recent commentary in the Globe & Mail. Ken Gruber names the post-separation games people play: “Whose Side are you On?”, “Who Deserves this More” and even “Where do I Sleep”? He even describes the five stages of grief-denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance-as they relate to a dispute about a coveted pair of silver salad tongs.

But Mr. Gruber’s tongue in cheek article makes several points worth taking seriously. He notes the ricochets between the stages that the recently separated experience – from despair over being alone at home to wild enthusiasm for the possibilities it presents. And, as he puts it; “That’s when a new ‘stage’ emerges-one that doesn’t occur with death. Hope”.

Concluding that losing a marriage has more in common with losing a job, Mr. Gruber reviews the stages of getting back on your feet:

1.  Embrace change. Let go of the past and look to the future.

2.  Find strength within. Your identity cannot be tied to another person.

3.  Commit to a lifetime of learning – new skills, new interests, new people.

Our family law group here agrees – after combined family law practice experience of well over half a century (and hundreds of divorces), we couldn’t have said it better. Thanks, Mr. Gruber – next time you’re in Halifax, we’d like to buy you a new pair of salad tongs.

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